I find that being here has allowed me to see development and growth. Navigation, system, rules, laws, and politics. I slightly graze upon each of these topics as my interest for them have become a little dry. However my outlook remains colorful, so trying to obtain is the key I’m still altering to fit in the door. This past weekend I had the opportunity to see my brother Kyle who came to visit Philly for the weekend from Detroit. It’s been a very long time since we crossed paths and I showed him a bit of the city and my life here in University City. His visit caused a spark within on the fact I enjoyed showing people around places new to them yet familiar to myself. I then had this new appreciation for where I am currently in my life. Although I can’t see the entire staircase I’m attempting to take the flight of stairs that’s before me. (Spin from Dr. Kings quote). My focus recently has changed due to this move. Drive is still there but its the overall question of why that bothers me. I tend to have all these ideas then try to wonder how they will manifest in time for me to see (if I am to see…). I’m here now so what do I do? I have plugged many times my talents to be placed on radar but nothing has surfaced yet. I have my moments where I feel like I’m being thrown out and the only way in is to build something of my own. Philly is certainly training grounds. Been that way since the very first day I arrived in this city while attending school. Now with this overall new outlook the possibilities seem to be on another level and it’s my duty to seek those things. Why am I so emotionally driven? Everyday is something different and the things I pick up on are also different. Ever have that feeling that you’re the topic of conversation? It’s been happening with me the past few days from what only I can tell. Social circle change and my coming into terms of how I’m getting into them. Circles once never even thought possible but its there. Situations I never thought possible but they are happening. This is all while I’m trying to listen to that little voice inside give me instructions. I still come across that feeling that someone knows more than I know. Strange to say, yes-but its just a feeling I get sometimes as though being apart of some game or experiment. Apart of me is also feeling this artistic void. A void that I can’t seem to finger yet.
The pace of the city is training me for whats to come. Something that I can manage now but can only see being an intricate part of my life to change in the coming months. I’m actually excited about going back to Seattle in May. This being performance opportunity it too also shows me that yes my life can be this way and why not? Putting out to the universe what I want and how it all unfolds to that goal in mind. I have this niche to create again. I found myself saying at one point “give me the tools and I will make magic.” My first tools in mind are the dancers who will not only display the work but embody the language of the artist. They too are artists and its my hope that we exchange this dialogue of artistic intent and truth. This latest passage was certainly long overdue. Upon dealing with issues of adjustment, I had to question a lot of things prior to even picking up a pen to write some thoughts. I am however getting better with the process as it’s only going to serve me well from this point that I continue. This was a personal report in terms of things one is dealing with at the present moment. My training still continues. I do not care what others may say or try to see me as. I am always learning, that’s life period. We take what we can and utilize the tools granted upon us to create even more tools to carry us along this frontier of life. Another day, another lesson. Another day, another tendu (lol). Class in the morning…:)
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