Blooming Phase

30 04 2012

As we take note of nature in bloom during this time of year, I’m left to wonder if we as humans tend to see the blooming within ourselves. This of course is occurring right along with the season. Lately I’ve been inspired but I didn’t know how to go about writing about them. The past events during the last few months have left me idle in many ways. It wasn’t until yesterday that I was reminded that I’m still here. Despite the challenges I’m still here. We sat there having drinks discussing many things. Work, recent happenings, dating, and her again. Oh how this can be very interesting. I was reminded of things that would make Jeffrey & The Artists to continue to grow. More importantly I was reminded and taken back to the Columbia City days. The events and social gatherings of the Fall 2008. I sat confortable and at ease. It had been months since we last crossed paths. We picked right up from where we left off. I think those are the most important moments in our lives. It reminds us where we once were and where we are now. Beautiful moments as the sun was playing hide and seek during that early evening. I swirled the ice cubes in the miniature glass cup to my right.
I looked at my life as Petruchska. How relevant it was within my own personal life that it frightened me. This also brought forth realization of those past dreams. I accepted but I guess now I wonder do I play with fire or just look at it.
We stood outside the Madrona Studio along Lake Washington. The scene was a Carnival. There were lights, a stage, booths, popcorn stand, and circus performers. Donald Byrd’s new vision of the classic ballet “Petruchska”. The most avant-garde, genius , profound production I’ve seen to date. As I explained what the show I got excited again. I think it’s so cool that technology and dance has begun to have this merger in the dance scene. As an audience member to be instructed to move different places was very different. It was a tour. I was amazed. This was different. General dance audiences some into the theater and watch whatever is on the stage. In this case we were a part of the action.
For a moment I really thought this was going to work. However my intuition has been showing me signs of burning out. I’m preparing to sleep on some bench for it may be that experience I need in order to understand something. I have questioned my worth on more than one occasion. Does it seem fair to me to see myself as something that I could be. Money isn’t everything but its finance for the arts I’m starting to see is scarce as anything. I only speak of that because once you have a company it takes a long time to build if you technically began with nothing. I admit to wanting to drop out this game.
Motivation would be the word of choice today. I’m having to find it in the most strange of ways lately. What is it going to take for me to open up that book again?